You know it’s funny, most people I meet and have met will never know how emotionally drained i am. Most people never will. Many of you may relate to this putting up a front and acting so confident but actually shit scared of what people may think of you. But you hide it well and with the option of alcohol you hide it even better it’s like an iron armour, nothing can break it. So you push these insecure feelings to one side and boom!! Your inobhitions are out the window. You don’t give a fuck. It’s the same with everyone, booze gives you an ego a big one. But what if you do suffer with mental illness ? What if you start to rely on it ? Well I tell you it fucks with your whole life. And if you mix the drugs in then you really need to get out of this situation. You see homelessness all the time right ? I know everyone has there own story and not exactly honest and everyone else is to blame right ? But hold it !!!! This has come from somewhere and it has taken something to take it away ,drink the pain away , take drugs to sooth the loss, take the thoughts away , but covering it up and pushing underlined thought processes away will put your life or what could be your life in the fucking gutter ,,, this has had a huge impact on my life and I feel that im only a few episodes away from being the person I feel sorry for. But not helping because in all honesty I have become selfish in trying to keep myself from becoming someone who has lost it all.

If you want to beat the blues, catch a wave: the rise of mindful surfing

Many people are quick to tell me you’re crazy for getting up at 04:20am. But it’s the very thing that keeps me sane. I’m not one for the gym, lifting weights , sweaty people doing gun selfies in the mirror. Places like this has it all. Sea for swimming sand for running and rocks for lifting. With sunrises like this totally blows my mind. Its a factory reset for mind and soul. The beach is my playground. I will never leave the coast…. Ever


Mindful in the moment – learning to bring the moment to the everyday

Alone in the caravan

Time : 9:30pm

Happening : It was clear, dry and dark, I decided to get on my homage to night rider (BLACK Suzuki 125). I took a slow ride into town, with no real idea what I wanted to do or where I was going. I found myself outside of a weather spoons asking a large meathead kind of dude for a cigarette, he was kind enough to oblige.

I felt free and that wasn’t just because I intentionally left my helmet at home.

Why did I ride into town… Why did I leave my helmet at home….. Why did I ask some guy I wouldn’t normally talk to for a cigarette…. Not sure really. I do know however that it’s something I would do if I were drinking or on drugs, but I was totally sober.

I was looking for something dangerous, something freeing. I hadn’t been surfing for a while…

My addictive personality was looking for excitement and adrenaline and I found it in that moment.

I didn’t feel the need to carry on unpredictability, I rode home, made a fire and told my wife what I had just done. Luckily she knows what I’m like…

On reflection –

What if I had been pulled over last night, what if I had fallen off… It mattered now but not last night. I seem to chase highs , avoid lows and feel uncomfortable in the middle.

I guess sometimes we need to do things which make us feel alive.